Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
