it was like getting a handjob from robocop
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
