I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
