Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I have fence marks all over my body
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
