so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
