How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
