The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
