Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
