Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
