i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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