We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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