Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
