I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
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It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
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Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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