Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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