you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
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