At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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