Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
