Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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