The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
