i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Randomize
