I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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