I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
