if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I think I won the penis lottery.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
they need to just BURY HIM!
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
