So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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