i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
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