could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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