I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
