I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I can't trust your balls anymore.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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