dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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