i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
