I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
