I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
