Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
