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i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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