Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
