im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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