wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
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He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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