She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
