he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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