i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
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