Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
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Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
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You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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