but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Randomize
