I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
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Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
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Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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