I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
It's official drugs can't kill me
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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