Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
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Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
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MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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