i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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