I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
