3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
