I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
