She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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