apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
