My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
