So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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