Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
