So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
