Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
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