A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize