those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
