i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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