I am in a vortex of obligation.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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