If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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