Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
