This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
