addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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