those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
