i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
