I should be sponsored by Trojan
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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