I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
It's never too late to be topless.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Found your dick twin last night
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
