I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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