I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.