I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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