He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
