Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
