is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
