I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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